Today was rough. I have been on the verge of tears all day and I couldn't figure out why. I spent some time with one of my friends and he and I talked and I still couldn't figure it out. Then I saw my new boyfriend and we went down to a park and sat and looked at a pond for a while and then I figured it out. I have been carrying around a lot of anger and vengeful thoughts about my ex. I have really been wanting him to hurt the way I have been hurting. To me it seems he left our relationship pain free and I have just been so angry that I have been in so much pain while he has just gone on with his life. Now, that is really unfair of me. I have no now idea how he feels, I just can't imagine him being in an pain... because if he is feeling even a tenth of the pain I am in he never would have left me. He would have wanted to work on things... but anyway - that is neither here nor there.
So anyway - Once I realized how vengeful I was feeling I knew I really had to reevaluate some of my feelings, because when you are that angry at another person all you are doing is hurting yourself. I want to forgive him, I really do. Not for him, but for me. I want to let go of all this anger and pain. I don't want to feel this way anymore. I want to just... let go. All this pain and anger and regret, I just wish I wasn't in so much pain. I have no idea.
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