Things have been looking up these past few days. I have been trying to be up and about more. Been talking to my mom more (Hi Mom!) Really forcing myself to get up. I saw my friend today who just had a baby. She is doing really well and her baby is very sweet. He is very laid back which is good. She had a very rough pregnancy so she is luck to have a good baby. I am still very jealous of her. I wish I was in a loving marriage with a baby, but that isn't what is in the cards for me at this time in my life. Hopefully it will be sometime, but if not - that is ok. I am a great Aunt and a great friend and if that is all the Lord has planned for me then that is more than a lot of people get. I am going to try to count my blessings more.
Tonight I went to a friend of mines birthday party. I felt very old. Most of the people there were under 25 and so they thought I was under 25 too. I felt very old, but then I realized I liked being old because man were they YOUNG... and very unfamiliar with the world. I had to bail early because I was enjoying my friend and his boyfriend but I just couldn't stand to other guests. So young and just... annoying.
To end this blog... I'm missing my ex tonight, not in the capacity of my lover, I miss my friend. I always miss him as my friend more than my significant other... Because I loved him, and I loved having him as my significant other but I loved having him as my best friend first. I really dislike not having him as my friend. That is what is so hard, losing your friend.
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