Anyway though...
So I'm still working and it is going fairly well, I've had a few emotional break downs at work and I think my supervisor is getting annoyed with me. I mean I'm not having emotional break downs where I'm crying or hysterical for no reason or anything, but I have had a few mini meltdowns were I was emotional or upset - but they were for good reasons and I just don't think he understood. He never lets me explain and he doesn't quite understand. For example we were discussing QA (quality assurance). Now when QA goes over your work they judge you on a scale that basically goes like this:
Exceeds
Meets
Needs Improvement
Poor
Now everyone wants to get an "Exceeds" score because that means you are doing really well and are more likely to get raises/promotions/all that good stuff - but QA makes it IMPOSSIBLE to get an "Exceeds" and so most everyone will either get a "meets" or "needs improvements" which is OK - that is what the expect you to get and you don't get in trouble for that - unless you get "needs improvement " all the time - then you get in trouble. So I was expressing my frustration with that set up, and he said that "Exceeds" was something to Strive for. that we can always improve and blah blah blah. He had no idea what I was saying... it was very annoying and he said I was taking things way too personal. I wasn't taking it personal. I was annoyed by how they skew they results - he didn't get it.
Anyway though - well emotionally I've been doing pretty well. I hung out with my friend Gerrit tonight who is a great guy. He has been very supportive of me and gave a a great saying for those days when I feeling really down - If you can't believe in yourself, believe in those you believe in you. Which is very true. We had some food and talked and as he is still friends with my ex we did discuss him briefly which made me a bit emotional, but it was a good conversation. It was a good talk. I'm doing ok now that I am home - it was a good talk, just a little hard to hear because once again we reached the point that we both agreed on that my ex did give up on our relationship. That when he noticed his feelings were changing he did, conscientiously or not, chose to not talk to me/or work on the change of emotions - therefore he did "give up" on the relationship because he let his emotions go away. Had he at least made some kind of effort - even if the outcome (breaking up) remained the same, the effort to at least trying would have been something. Instead he did nothing and by doing so the betrayal was so much deeper and hurt all the more because, to me that says that I was not worth the effort.
Anyway - so yeah - as Gerrit and I decided at the end of our conversation - the moral of the story is - whatever reasons my ex had - it doesn't really matter, because it is over. So whatever reasons he had for either not saying anything, for not trying, for thinking he tired, or for perhaps just being a lying bastard who broke my heart - at this point, doesn't matter.
So tonight I am going to watch Firefly and do laundry so I will have clean clothes for work. Good night all.
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